Posted by: Allyson | 27 February, 2009

Tearing down the walls

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So it looks like the beginning of March will mark the true birth of The Femme Domestic.  I’m excited about the possibilities this all brings, and about the statements I’m now ready to make about who I am and what I want.

The big struggle for me lately has been attempting to let down the walls that keep me from being who I really want to be.  Emotional walls, of course, are only the result of fear, and I’ve been forcing myself to look at those fears head on.  I battle shame, jealousy, and self-doubt.  I’m working to reverse these feelings.

There’s a magnet on my refrigerator with a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt. I bought it on a whim one day, but soon after realized that it wasn’t a coincidence that I had been drawn to it.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face… Do the thing you think you cannot do.”

So, what is that thing for me?  Well, I’ve never thought that I could say out loud that I prefer to be dominated in bed.  I never thought that I could declare without shame that being tied up turns me on.  I never thought that I would seriously consider the idea of sharing my sex life (as well as my emotional life) with people that I didn’t know.  Admitting these fears almost makes me feel a bit prudish, but the truth is I’ve been closed up tight about all of these things for years, and I’m casting it off now.

These are now things that I’m somewhat eager to do.  I want to learn more about myself.  I want to stretch my boundaries.  I want to tear down the walls.

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Responses

  1. It’s a very emancipating experience casting of all those old fears. What I always say to myself when in doubt, is “one life, no rehearsals”
    I’m hearing you loud and clear fimg x


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